The Bombshell

Firstly, I know I said in a previous blog I would try to work with the childminder, but oh well I couldn’t after the third whinge from her and the week before that she insensitively dropped the ‘autism’ bombshell on us.

What has alarmed me at first, my son said she was not around to witness the event, I thought maybe he is lying, but he is not. Although since then she has admitted each time there is an behavioural incident between the two 4 year old boys in her care she is not around. The third time I am starting to lose my patience, yes, I am aware that childminders cannot always be in the same room, but they are still suppose to be in earshot and have everything in sight to what is going on. It is obvious she doesn’t. We already said if my son continued to be disruptive in her care that we would review the contract and whether he should stay there. She decided she wanted his last day to be within her care to be the end of last week, and has been very awkward with refunding us, although we have most of the money back now.

I am in shock on the last day in her care she tells me my son was able to get hold of tent pegs and get near her baby’s head with them, yes, he could have hurt the baby’s head (1 year old child), but he could have hurt himself too. She seems to be completely oblivious to the problem that he shouldn’t have been able to get hold of them in the first place, this situation should not have arose and where was she not to notice he had got hold of these? She admits she shouted at my son that day. However, I also discover unexplained bruises on my son the next morning, and my OH’s mother is admitted back in hospital on Sunday fighting an infection/sepsis. So yes, it has been a shit week again, but have been trying to smile through it, only just.

I am left not knowing what to think about transitioning my son onto school, does he really need a referral, is something really wrong developmentally (as we have always been told no and the health visitor said she had no concerns over his social emotional development on her last visit in July) or have we just been unlucky with shit childcare? The referral is happening, but doesn’t look like anytime soon and because I have asked the childminder about how the bruises happened today she has threatened the LA (local authority) on us. Just unbelievable, but bring it on.

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Any normal parent would question unexplained bruises on their child?

My last thoughts for tonight!

I spent an hour of my life hearing bullshit tonight, I felt I was in some weird trance parallel universe state where I had to bite my tongue. Yes, some of the things my son has done he shouldn’t do, but if people think that children innately know what is right and what is wrong then my dear you are off your trolley. We are here to teach that, and if I pay someone to look after my child I expect them to do the same, give guidance with patience and understanding. To be honest, I expect better off of them as they have had additional training and I haven’t. If you can’t then maybe you are not cut out for the job. Honestly, so much substandard childcare out there. Perhaps, we are just very unlucky, but we are yet to meet our very own super nanny.

Challenging behaviour, and then Paw Patrol

After a difficult few weeks, my son is starting to feel at home at his new childcare arrangements, which you think would be a good thing? He started to perhaps feel relax and confident, so much so that he is comfortable enough to act up. It probably hasn’t helped that his similar aged playmate has just started again after a nearly 2 month absence and my son was very excited about that, and also my son had to take a week off due to the childminder’s own illness. However, last week my son had a very bad day there and I don’t know what to think as the childminder said she thought my son was autistic. To be honest, he does not show the classic signs of it, but whether he does have any other additional needs I don’t know. The health professionals so far have said they are not worried or have any concerns, but I have now pushed for a referral as getting fed up with it and want to rule (I sometimes feel this is nonsense) anything out.
Since that day my son has pretty much been good, and no major tantrums with us, we had a few precursors to ones, but we nipped them in the bud. Nothing like he was the weekend before as we did have a challenging time with him then, but as I say I don’t think the recent change in routine had helped. I am glad his behaviour improved as we got Paw Patrol Live tickets a while back for him, which he loved and although an experience for us (she chuckles), my boy was really good at his first large capacity venue event as it was busy and there was quite a bit of waiting around. However, got his seal of approval as he only says ‘can we go again?’ to things he really likes.

No one wants to read your stories?

This line will always stick in my head now ‘no one wants to read your stories?’ That is what my son’s old nursery area manager said to me, now she meant about our dispute and our dissatisfaction with their care, and non handling over behaviour management. However, almost felt they had been prying into my blog, who knows as I try to keep it anonymous within reason. I am not ashamed of my written expressions about my ‘unyummy’ journey through motherhood so far, but I haven’t been showing my mummy blog off to everyone I meet. However, my blog is not fabrications, but is an outlet for my thoughts or feelings whether right or wrong. If anyone wants to read it or not is another matter and is up to them, I hope someone out there gets comfort from my ramblings. I will not let fear or someone’s judgement ever stop me from writing, and don’t you let it either!
Now for something completely different, am amazed at the change in my son’s garden corner, just a few months down the line and there is a radical difference. It’s not perfect, but is better than the mud patch it was, and it’s fantastic that my son helped me plant the seeds.

 

Sometimes feels like we are actually back at school, rather than my son

After having a really positive weekend last week and starting to feel quite upbeat about things, now feeling deflated again. I had a difficult time with a certain colleague at work and not sure why they were behaving in such a rude manner, but asked for this particular job to be reallocated as I could no longer work with the person and to be honest I am still a little fuming over their tone. However, person is leaving for another job, so end of story dealing with it, but just was not in the best mental place to deal with someone being a twat for no reason with everything that has been going on for us.

My OH’s mum is still in hospital and after 2 weeks of confusingly not knowing what action the hospital has decided to take, they finally know she has broken her hip and still confused why it has taken 2 weeks to discover that, and now his mum is waiting for a operation, which will still take a good deal of time to recover from. I have to say the in and out hospital trips that have been happening since the beginning of this year have been exhausting for all of us.

Then having my son’s nursery inability to look after my son and manage his behaviour has been disappointing as well. I hoped he was getting on well with the new childminder and he seemed to be, the drop offs have got a lot easier and no more dramatic goodbyes. However, this week his pal from his gymnastics sessions has started again, although haven’t seen the boy at the sessions lately.

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On the same wavelength these two, but yes, my lo does need the learn the art of being kind to his friends at times

My son was very excited to have some similar aged company at last with him at the childminders. Although I think this week he has been feeling a little too at home at the childminders, relaxed and himself and over excited about having a playmate, which is a good thing, but with that he shows both his good and bad sides to his personality. I finally get told again that some of his behaviour is unacceptable, her daughter has been dying to tell tales on my son for weeks, but being shushed by her mother and I think perhaps my son irritates the 8 year old girl, I mean I don’t suppose a 4 year old boy and 8 year old girl have much in common. I don’t know how to take it, but as far as the health visitor is concerned there is nothing to worry about his behaviour and he is just displaying normal behaviour for his age. Yes, he can be a monkey at times and some of it is boundary seeking, but most of it is manageable and he is not constantly embarrassing us when we are out with him. It’s disappointing as he has started to enjoy going to the new childminder, and I know he does like the other little boy that is attending, but I am starting to get fed up with those that are fed up of looking after my son because yes, he isn’t always an easy child, but he doesn’t have special needs or any indication that he has. I am not withdrawing him for another childcare provider and will try to work with her, and realise soon he will be spending more time at school and hope that is good for him. The school transition sessions have gone OK, again no dramatic tearful goodbyes, so that is something, he has seemed very happy upon collection, but don’t know fully what he has been like at every session as we only got to witness the first one. I don’t know if he got over excited or did any inappropriate things, but hoping he responded well, but don’t know until we start to get more feedback from the teachers.

Anyway it is a shame as I was just starting to get optimistic and now just feel doubtful, but we are doing our best by our son, we regularly go to playgroups to socialise him with children his age, taken him to story time sessions at the library to work on getting him to sit still and interact with that, preschool gymnastic sessions, helping him to follow instructions, participate in both larger and smaller group activities (he responds better to smaller group activities usually at the moment), wait turns, sit still and develop patience. We walk almost everywhere and try to do lots of physical activity either by going to soft play or outdoor play at playgrounds and parks and swimming when we can. We read to our son every bedtime ourselves.

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Marble Reward Jar, hoping this helps

We are trying to only reward him for good behaviour, have even now got a marble reward jar to help my son visualise when he is being good better. He has always enjoyed filling up jars with coins, so I thought this would be a more simpler way to do it than our previous star chart award system, which was just getting too exhausting for us too keep up with and we’ll probably put that away for when he is a bit older. I don’t know what else we can do, but keep re-emphasising how he should act, but sometimes this parenting lark feels like we going back to school and being told off for something we cannot control while we are not there to supervise.

Our lovely weekend

 

Images from our lovely trip to Willows Farm, finally a nice weekend to make up for a lot of grief we had to experience over the last few months.

We finished the weekend by visiting one of my son’s nannies in hospital, it was her birthday last Friday. My son and I didn’t stay too long as he gets bored in that kind of environment, fortunately this time the Play Cafe across the road from the hospital was open, so kept him entertained while my OH stayed for extra hour and a half, and then visited Coram Fields like we have been meaning to for ages. Coram Fields is a hidden play area in Bloomsbury, London and is a former site of a Foundling hospital, there was also a special event going on our visit, Camden Mela, so had a live music experience as well.

http://www.willowsactivityfarm.com/

https://www.coramsfields.org/

Drained

Wednesday 12th July 2017

Feeling drained, finally had the health visitor round for a home visit yesterday. Let me say I had to reiterate a lot of things that went on that I rather be moving on with, but at least I got confirmation that no further referral is needed for my son in her opinion. He is just a normal, yet very active mischievous boy. I should crack open the champagne, but don’t quite feel like that as still working on the transition to primary school for him.

Champagne being poured into champagne glasses

He had a stay and play session at his new school yesterday, not sure how it went, but there were no dramatic goodbyes when we left him and he seemed very excited when we collected him from the session. However, have no idea on how he responded to the teaching staff or other children. We have one last session next week before he starts his settling in week in September. A picnic party so let’s see how it goes.

My OH’s mum is in hospital again, to be honest that is getting exhausting dealing with that. However, in between my OH being completely stretched with that and trying to spend some time with us as well, and the drama of two months ago. I am now looking forward to finally taking my boy to visit a farm this weekend, a place we have been meaning to take him for ages, but always never happened. Hoping we can take our mind off of things and enjoy our day there.