Thursday 15th September 2016 – Family drama
Had a nice time away in York with my ickle family, 4 days or thereabouts away from reality. Had up and down days with our son, first time he has whined about going on holiday, most of the time he is excited about going away, but he said he wanted to stay home, but then by the end of our short vacation he didn’t want to go home. His worst behaviour was the day before we left, massive tantrum, gasp, but more about our vacation in a separate blog later, and I promise there were more highs than lows.
Anyhow, I wasn’t expecting to come back to family drama and my mum reeling off a lot of gobbledygook. Drama about my dad’s ashes, if you didn’t know, a few blogs back I said my dad passed away during my son’s first year of life. It was a difficult year of change, and far too much at once, but that’s life sometimes, it spins out of control. The other fact to fill you in on is my mum finally separated from my dad late in life. As I have alluded to in a previous blog, my dad was a difficult man with many demons that he unfortunately failed to completely conquer, yet I am sure deep down inside there was a good heart with good intentions and on occasions it revealed itself. However, he was a man of his generation, and some of those wasn’t good qualities, which he seemed to be in conflict with himself, a crisis of masculinity as such. It also depresses me that he never really turned things around for himself, and the only lesson I have learnt is I don’t want to create that life for myself as in my love ones finding it hard to be around me and waste a life being unhappy, and making strife. However, I have inherited his temper, if you believe you can inherit traits as I do, part genetics and part nurture, and I do find it hard to control at times.
His ashes have not been scattered yet or a final resting place decided, he passed away now over 2 years ago and this is the drama that I have come back to that my family cannot decide where to scatter them or bury them. Ideas have been put forward, but no one can agree, and now my mum has his ashes in her flat and is sitting with the light on to go to sleep haha. I laugh as she is so superstitious and really she didn’t need to take charge of this, as she is his ex partner, really his next of kin should do this, my older sisters, but they can never agree on anything, one of my sister sees herself as the boss and thinks she always knows best.
My mum has come up with a well meaning idea of where, but it seems impractical, end of Brighton pleasure pier really seems inappropriate to me, although understand she has probably her fondest memories of my dad there. However, really think my father’s resting place should be somewhere more scenic and peaceful, I think the one thing he deserves in death is finally less drama, somewhere beautiful and peaceful despite his faults.
Family or should I say family drama to be avoided at all costs where possible lol don’t get me wrong I love my mum, she has a good heart, and don’t want to upset those of you who have lost mums. My mum has been very supportive, especially during difficult times with our son’s childcare, and she has been a rock, but she does get huffy when you do not completely agree with her and in the more recent past, especially during my parent’s separation I did wonder which one was the grown up or more appropriately put the more senior grown up out of us.
I wouldn’t, but to settle the argument let’s do a poll, I wouldn’t really as it is inappropriate. However, to settle an argument choices are
A) Bluebell woods by the Bluebell Railway as he loved going here and loved the trains
B) End of Brighton Pier and I really don’t like this idea, but anyway maybe I am missing something as I think it is too busy and not appropriate place to scatter ashes
C) Somewhere near the Northumbria coastline as he is originally from this region and always talked about how unspoilt & beautiful it was
D) Memorial Tree planted in the Lake District with his ashes, again as he loved the beautiful scenery here and the only family holiday I actually had and remember
Vote if you want to, although not necessary.
If anything I hope I have made readers feel comfort in the knowledge I am from a dysfunctional family, perhaps more dysfunctional than your own haha. Also there is really life after death, for the living as well.