That was me in the beginning. I never craved having a family, never got in a position on a date of scaring a man off by saying I wanted to have his babies (well not literally anyway) haha
Then I met the love of my life, hehe, my OH will know why I am using that phrase. Our relationship was a bit whirlwind, we fell in love fast, and we certainly enjoyed each other’s company enough to make a baby. It was an unexpected surprise, little bit of a shock too, it took a while for it to actually sink in for me that I really was pregnant. I didn’t get excited that much about it until the end of my pregnancy, only then did I allow myself to buy a few baby things. I guess a part of it is I didn’t want to tempt fate for anything to go wrong. My mother had lost two babies and had problems with having boy babies in particular, and I was due to have a boy.
I spoke to my OH at times throughout the pregnancy that I was concerned how I might feel as I have never really been a maternal person or had a burning desire to have children. I was concerned how I would feel once my baby was born. When my son was born I didn’t feel the rush of love a lot of women say they get, to be honest I felt numb, not sure how I felt or how to describe it. I was in awe of what happened, and the baby laying next to me in one of those NHS transparent plastic cots had grown inside of me and was now really my son, and yes I was a mother? Yes, another lot of disbelief, I knew I had a duty/obligation, but no instant love there.
The aim of this blog is to reassure those who may feel like this, that it doesn’t last forever, and feelings change. The instant warm glow of love isn’t always there, for us the bond grew over time, to be honest sometimes so much so that my son is inseparable. All I will say is talk through your feelings with someone you trust, don’t be hard on yourself, get breaks from your lo when you need as exhaustion is a mood killer, love will grow and seek professional help if you need it.