I read somewhere once that mums make terrible friends, possibly we do. We have little time for people apart from our children, much worse at answering our phones, well I know I am, and holding lengthy conversations on them. Most of my communication these days is done by emails and short bursts of messages either via text or FB. Social arrangements may have to change at short notice due to lack of childcare or illness, either yourself or your child. However, for those friends that matter to you, you will do your best to keep in contact even if it is more sparse than it use to be.
However, making new mummy friends for myself has been a dead end street, and I have to say I am tired of deja vu experiences. I gave up on my last social today when I got the usual bailing out messages at the last minute, who knows maybe some of the excuses were genuine. To be honest, I had a beginnings of a migraine come on (been fighting it all day actually), my son has been grumpy from a suspected ear infection, woke us all up early and I thought despite the nice day I couldn’t go through with social niceties with strangers with the one mum that made an effort or didn’t ha! I do feel sorry for the mums that genuinely want to meet and apologise to any mums like that today, but those who chicken out or sign up to events until something better comes along in their dull social calendar I cannot be bothered with, fed up with hearing that repetitive record stuck in the groove and same old story. Sorry, Madonna (nice link, either mother of mothers or I am stuck in the eighties).
So done with the experiment, back to my initial thoughts on organic friendships and what will be will be, done with mummy dating. It may have been less annoying, the continual lack of effort that is if I had more time or may have actually been more depressing if I was a SAHM. However, I have a busy week of work, childcare shared between nursery and my mum, making time for son, partner and the few family members we have left. Filling our weekends with things to do with our son, seeing family and making time for old true friends of ours. My son is at a more interesting age where I have someone to talk to, I say that and mean that as it is fascinating to see and engage with them on their perspective on the world around them. I am happy he is capable of making his own playmates. Just because you meet another mummy with similar aged children doesn’t mean you or their children are going to get on. Some say keep trying you will get there, but it is a lot of pressure to put yourself under, and I resent the time and wasted effort as well as it is my family time, and the only real free time I have is weekends.
I value my family time and will concentrate my efforts on getting fitter for my family, rather than spending another minute on mummy socials.
If you have found a good supportive mummy network to be around then you are truly lucky, blessed, etc. and I am jealous, just a little bit. However, I love my own family time and quite happy just the 3 of us, it is precious, and happy with my own company too. I am a introvert and loner by nature, I am happy with just a few special people in my life. My only one worry is if at some point I loss any more support from my family as have been unlucky in recent years, an old school friend’s husband, who was considerably young recently passed away, yesterday in fact (correction: last Friday) and that scares me and another old school friend’s mum passed away last year. I can cope with losing my father, although the timing was less than perfect, my son’s first year of life and what fucked me up more is not being able to show my son to him before he died or say goodbye. Then my uncle later that same year, and it was like not again, but a life partner and your mum doesn’t bear thinking about. Don’t get me wrong dads are not less special, just personally the relationship with my own father was up and down, I feel a tinge of sadness, but other memories make me bitter too. Not good to think morbidly, but would have to cross that bridge if we ever unluckily come to it, but I hope not. Still I aim high, true friends will come to those that wait. If you are in a similar position, I am sure they will come to you, the ones worth waiting for that is.
Exactly see link below, and now time for a gulp of wine 🙂