The Bombshell

Firstly, I know I said in a previous blog I would try to work with the childminder, but oh well I couldn’t after the third whinge from her and the week before that she insensitively dropped the ‘autism’ bombshell on us.

What has alarmed me at first, my son said she was not around to witness the event, I thought maybe he is lying, but he is not. Although since then she has admitted each time there is an behavioural incident between the two 4 year old boys in her care she is not around. The third time I am starting to lose my patience, yes, I am aware that childminders cannot always be in the same room, but they are still suppose to be in earshot and have everything in sight to what is going on. It is obvious she doesn’t. We already said if my son continued to be disruptive in her care that we would review the contract and whether he should stay there. She decided she wanted his last day to be within her care to be the end of last week, and has been very awkward with refunding us, although we have most of the money back now.

I am in shock on the last day in her care she tells me my son was able to get hold of tent pegs and get near her baby’s head with them, yes, he could have hurt the baby’s head (1 year old child), but he could have hurt himself too. She seems to be completely oblivious to the problem that he shouldn’t have been able to get hold of them in the first place, this situation should not have arose and where was she not to notice he had got hold of these? She admits she shouted at my son that day. However, I also discover unexplained bruises on my son the next morning, and my OH’s mother is admitted back in hospital on Sunday fighting an infection/sepsis. So yes, it has been a shit week again, but have been trying to smile through it, only just.

I am left not knowing what to think about transitioning my son onto school, does he really need a referral, is something really wrong developmentally (as we have always been told no and the health visitor said she had no concerns over his social emotional development on her last visit in July) or have we just been unlucky with shit childcare? The referral is happening, but doesn’t look like anytime soon and because I have asked the childminder about how the bruises happened today she has threatened the LA (local authority) on us. Just unbelievable, but bring it on.

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Any normal parent would question unexplained bruises on their child?

Sometimes feels like we are actually back at school, rather than my son

After having a really positive weekend last week and starting to feel quite upbeat about things, now feeling deflated again. I had a difficult time with a certain colleague at work and not sure why they were behaving in such a rude manner, but asked for this particular job to be reallocated as I could no longer work with the person and to be honest I am still a little fuming over their tone. However, person is leaving for another job, so end of story dealing with it, but just was not in the best mental place to deal with someone being a twat for no reason with everything that has been going on for us.

My OH’s mum is still in hospital and after 2 weeks of confusingly not knowing what action the hospital has decided to take, they finally know she has broken her hip and still confused why it has taken 2 weeks to discover that, and now his mum is waiting for a operation, which will still take a good deal of time to recover from. I have to say the in and out hospital trips that have been happening since the beginning of this year have been exhausting for all of us.

Then having my son’s nursery inability to look after my son and manage his behaviour has been disappointing as well. I hoped he was getting on well with the new childminder and he seemed to be, the drop offs have got a lot easier and no more dramatic goodbyes. However, this week his pal from his gymnastics sessions has started again, although haven’t seen the boy at the sessions lately.

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On the same wavelength these two, but yes, my lo does need the learn the art of being kind to his friends at times

My son was very excited to have some similar aged company at last with him at the childminders. Although I think this week he has been feeling a little too at home at the childminders, relaxed and himself and over excited about having a playmate, which is a good thing, but with that he shows both his good and bad sides to his personality. I finally get told again that some of his behaviour is unacceptable, her daughter has been dying to tell tales on my son for weeks, but being shushed by her mother and I think perhaps my son irritates the 8 year old girl, I mean I don’t suppose a 4 year old boy and 8 year old girl have much in common. I don’t know how to take it, but as far as the health visitor is concerned there is nothing to worry about his behaviour and he is just displaying normal behaviour for his age. Yes, he can be a monkey at times and some of it is boundary seeking, but most of it is manageable and he is not constantly embarrassing us when we are out with him. It’s disappointing as he has started to enjoy going to the new childminder, and I know he does like the other little boy that is attending, but I am starting to get fed up with those that are fed up of looking after my son because yes, he isn’t always an easy child, but he doesn’t have special needs or any indication that he has. I am not withdrawing him for another childcare provider and will try to work with her, and realise soon he will be spending more time at school and hope that is good for him. The school transition sessions have gone OK, again no dramatic tearful goodbyes, so that is something, he has seemed very happy upon collection, but don’t know fully what he has been like at every session as we only got to witness the first one. I don’t know if he got over excited or did any inappropriate things, but hoping he responded well, but don’t know until we start to get more feedback from the teachers.

Anyway it is a shame as I was just starting to get optimistic and now just feel doubtful, but we are doing our best by our son, we regularly go to playgroups to socialise him with children his age, taken him to story time sessions at the library to work on getting him to sit still and interact with that, preschool gymnastic sessions, helping him to follow instructions, participate in both larger and smaller group activities (he responds better to smaller group activities usually at the moment), wait turns, sit still and develop patience. We walk almost everywhere and try to do lots of physical activity either by going to soft play or outdoor play at playgrounds and parks and swimming when we can. We read to our son every bedtime ourselves.

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Marble Reward Jar, hoping this helps

We are trying to only reward him for good behaviour, have even now got a marble reward jar to help my son visualise when he is being good better. He has always enjoyed filling up jars with coins, so I thought this would be a more simpler way to do it than our previous star chart award system, which was just getting too exhausting for us too keep up with and we’ll probably put that away for when he is a bit older. I don’t know what else we can do, but keep re-emphasising how he should act, but sometimes this parenting lark feels like we going back to school and being told off for something we cannot control while we are not there to supervise.

Drained

Wednesday 12th July 2017

Feeling drained, finally had the health visitor round for a home visit yesterday. Let me say I had to reiterate a lot of things that went on that I rather be moving on with, but at least I got confirmation that no further referral is needed for my son in her opinion. He is just a normal, yet very active mischievous boy. I should crack open the champagne, but don’t quite feel like that as still working on the transition to primary school for him.

Champagne being poured into champagne glasses

He had a stay and play session at his new school yesterday, not sure how it went, but there were no dramatic goodbyes when we left him and he seemed very excited when we collected him from the session. However, have no idea on how he responded to the teaching staff or other children. We have one last session next week before he starts his settling in week in September. A picnic party so let’s see how it goes.

My OH’s mum is in hospital again, to be honest that is getting exhausting dealing with that. However, in between my OH being completely stretched with that and trying to spend some time with us as well, and the drama of two months ago. I am now looking forward to finally taking my boy to visit a farm this weekend, a place we have been meaning to take him for ages, but always never happened. Hoping we can take our mind off of things and enjoy our day there.

Story time

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Bookstart Bear National Book Week at the local Library

Twice now my son has almost been an angel at story time at the local library, we have started to go as want to get him ready for school and know he finds sitting still at times a bit of an issue. However, pleasantly surprised and have certainly gone more smoothly than his exercise lessons. His old nursery tried to recently say this is one of his weaknesses, I don’t know maybe me being with him makes all the difference and I can’t hold his hand throughout school. Although have to say really pleased and proud of him. He enjoyed yesterday’s session so much that he has asked to join the library so he can take out books, so sweet.

What a last few weeks?

What a last few weeks? Not just for me personally, but terrorist attacks too, the world has gone mad! Simultaneously this country seems focused on wanting to nuke the world too, the one thing we need a world leader to do is have a willingness to nuke everyone, I despair?

I mean my childcare woes seem trivial in comparison, but it shook my small world up and shocked by what just seemed to me as unreasonable spitefulness. We have found replacement childcare and hoping my little one is much happier there and can continue to progress. Waiting for the NHS to still get back to us and confirm they have no worries or concerns about my son, and he is ready to start school in September.

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Enjoying himself at the playground

This weekend we tried our first story time at the local library and have to say I was impressed with my son in the end as it was his first time in a library, he sat and listened, and was very quiet. To be honest I think the volunteer would have appreciated a bit more feedback and interaction, but it was only a small group and it was only our first time attending. However, nothing like the nursery was trying to tell me he was at these kind of sessions, admittedly he may behave better for me. So, two things we are going to continue to persevere with is his preschool gymnastics class and story time at the library. We have also got more puzzles and few simple games like picture dominoes and memory games to work on his concentration. Trying out magnesium flakes in his bath a couple times of week in order to help relax him a bit more, not sure it will make any difference, but suppose to be good for skin conditions and he does have mild eczema anyway, also might try it out myself as apparently good for muscle stiffness, yep feeling my age!

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Magnesium Flakes

http://drcarolyndean.com/2010/10/should-kids-take-magnesium/

So starting to feel positive, things we need to sort out are finances for childcare (refunds and new payment, just another headache I will be glad is out of the way and done with) and toy organisation, never ending, got rid of a few bits about a month back and now feeling overwhelmed by toys once again ha! Feeling happy about our son’s new garden corner, but got to deal with those pesky slugs who are chomping on my new plants this week!

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Pesky chomping slugs!

The one thing I wasn’t anticipating was changing my son’s childcare so near to starting school and was hoping to only deal with one change, rather than two, but hey life is always ready to throw a few curveballs your way!

April Showers

30th April 2017

This month has been literally scattered with them, not literally, but metaphorically speaking and sometimes the sun has shone through in intervals in between.

My son’s behaviour at nursery has taken a turn for the worse, one of my biggest fears has been him no longer enjoying going there, so much so the nursery has requested a health visitor to monitor his behaviour at nursery and this is due next week, have no idea what the outcome will be for that. Again at home not really a big concern, yes he has little tantrums from time to time, and wants his own way at times, but what kid doesn’t? The only thing left for us to achieve really in the immediate future is him not being scared of the dark and having the confidence to sleep on his own for a whole night. Anyway, fortunately he loved his last two days at nursery, although it was a concern that I walked in on one of the biggest meltdowns I have seen him do for a while, when I collected him from nursery at the beginning of the week, but we will see how things go.

On the up side we did get his first choice school in the end, relieved as this one has wrap around care that we can work around. However, had to make sacrifices and send my son to a local faith community school. We are not church goers so wanted to send him really to a secular school, but my OH and I need to work and we had to swap our school choices around at the last minute due to lack of childcare in the area. As it is a community school there was no need to fake going to church, but just accept that is the angle and ethos they are coming from. We felt optimistic after our first parents’ information evening at the school earlier this week, but regret asking to join their Facebook parent led group as had a mother from the group was on my case most of this weekend, with a barrage of messages. That has made me have bad feelings about where I am going to send my son to school now, but will try to get pass it. I really only hope to send my son there for the first year anyway as we are hoping to buy a house soon (an ungraspable dream most of the time, but fed up of renting) and realise we can’t in our current location, so it’s no big deal that he has to go to this school one hopes as the social committee doesn’t seem to like me or one member of it at least.

Only other highlights are MIL is back home, and OH’s support is needed less by her, fingers crossed can stay that way for a bit. He has also worked his first month in a permanent job role, and he hopes to look for other opportunities as soon as his probation period is finished.

We also tried a Little Kickers taster session for my boy a week ago, although the coaches were nice, and the class was well led, our son just wasn’t really into it, although enjoyed some aspects of it. Just not enough to purchase 6 more sessions. So, on the lookout for another exercise activity for my energetic nearly 4 year old boy.

Other photo highlights from the month:

My not so anonymous rant!

I have seen a few messages on here lately thinking why do they bother with ‘such a name’ mum social type app? Well, it is not so much a criticism of the site or app, but more generally. I am a working mum trying to set up a few regular monthly weekend mummy socials for working mums, although I welcome all mums. As you must know if you live in a big town suitable family friendly venues get busy on the weekends, so I have asked people to confirm their attendance as it may be best for me to reserve a table. However, you either get no response or someone says why don’t you move it to Monday? I am sorry, but that annoys me like I have all the time in the world to work my schedule around all your needs, if you want a meet on a Monday, then suggest one yourself. To be honest I did do one during the week on my day off from work a few weeks back and it was no more popular than the ones I have tried to do on weekends or bank holidays. I am sorry there has been this you must have to do a softly, softly approach, some mums are shy and anxious, well I know how that feels as I suffer from nerves myself, but think some mums are being just thoughtless, ha! I don’t mind the lack of responses, it’s the ones that agree and are no shows and never say anything one way or another, it is like talking to a brick wall! Have the notifications been sorted on ‘such, and such’ a site/app? Yes, probably have and my first thoughts are probably right ha! Makes me wonder, sorry rant over, I will persevere, but bloody good sign already that this mummy social will be a success and that I will get on with these mothers, ha!

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How to host a Mummy Play date?