Blogging

Celebratory Fizz

4FA685B0-5851-47FC-92E5-1B22C45D3277

I finally actually knocked back a couple of glasses of champagne this evening. It has been, I am actually going to use the f bomb here, a fucking awful year. Tried hard with childcare and school over the last year for my son, but have been complete failures and been ripping my hair out wondering if there are other things to be concerned about and going on for my son. Well he has fucking done it, finally going full time at school next week, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much because could have another setback. Also finally cracked open the champagne as well to toast good health to my mum, 70 years young last week! I think she is looking forward to getting some of her life back in future to do other things than childcare for me for once, but we shall see…

Advertisements
Blogging

Feelings

Feelings in reverse order (Thursday 21st June, the longest day literally until now)

Want some kind of life change, knowing that some things can’t change, one thing isn’t changing quickly enough and then after getting through completing something that can bring on a change that I am disatisfied with, but starting to already feel disatisfied with the potential new thing ha in the words of Bono & U2 ‘I still haven’t found what I am looking for’ ha

A few moments peace in our garden earlier today, when we first moved to the property it was the thing I liked least about the new place, but with a few changes and things added feels much better and actually is relaxing to be in. Far from perfect, but better.

EFB15927-F226-4F66-A52A-4997260CC49C

Thanks for those that keep visiting the  page and equally to the unlikers, ha had a better night’s sleep last night compared to last couple of nights and strange experience from the night before. Shadow people in the form of what I initially thought was my son, childlike form, neurological phenomen or paranormal who knows? Either way it was unsettling, she’s nuts you think? Yep, but who cares?

Drained, hoping to get more sleep, nice to see one of my son’s dreams come true today and he got to see his favourite steam train, the Flying Scotsman go pass our local station today. He also had a great gymnastics session, despite the initial setback of changing clubs earlier in the year. I actually think he has progressed lots. Just need to work on my current mindset, which feels pretty low and possibly change jobs at some point

3524D995-C4E7-40F5-B2C0-CEB1C7514CB0

I did manage to hold it together for the afternoon, son enjoyed his garden time and play in his mud pit, water table, chalking and watering the plants. However, just as depression is difficult in the sunshine as in the expection should be you are jolly and happy, night times are hard to switch off

Apologies for no posts for a while, well nothing of real substance as of late. I am struggling with anxiety and slight depression again, although not as bad as I experienced a good few years ago. My son’s schooling has not helped, and although I think he is making huge improvements and progress myself. Yet, I got a whiney email from his teacher a few days ago about my son being unsettled, despite informing them on Monday he had just recovered from an earache and could they be mindful about that. Even perhaps get the school nurse to have a look at it, and yes, he was well enough to go as he had no temperature and had been giving him pain relief for it, and on top of that dealing with the workplace stress and my MIL being back in hospital again after the third time within the last month it has all been too much and it’s setting me back. You could say I am whining too, but can only take so much and having a break. Have to say it’s easier to feel negative in the winter, when the weather is sunny the two things just don’t go together.

Blogging

New Blog

Okay I did promise a new blog sometime, and it has been a long time coming. It is now the school holidays again, and to be honest it is a relief. My son’s behaviour has stabilised at school, although there has been one alleged incident on his first school excursion with his current school, but call me cynical I actually felt some of that was exaggerated for effect and the timing felt a bit off actually as received news of it shortly after we inquired why my son had received a black eye at school. I don’t think he was hit or anything, but am concerned he had an accident at school and it went unnoticed, I don’t know how it could go unnoticed as my son is like a footballer when it comes to pain and can be quite a drama queen. I was not impressed with the school’s response and deflecting attention away from this by citing an alleged incident, in fact I was starting to believe it is a bit discriminatory due to the school’s feelings they do not have the resources to manage my son’s unidentified SEN needs (again not sure if he has any additional needs or not, but it is clear he has not found the school environment one easy to transition to). Despite this setback and both his father and my annoyance with it, he has continued to progress at school on an upward curve and his hours will gradually increase when he returns to school after the holidays. I also believe he is just finally settling into his new home and surroundings.

We have spent the weekend mainly gardening, as well as my partner doing trips to see his mum, she is yo-yoing in and out of hospital again. I won’t say all how I feel about that, but it is not easy and fear how my son will react to constantly spending less time with his father, but I hope my son is more resilient than I give him credit for, but we shall see. Discovered a new local park over the weekend, a short walk from the town centre, which is handy and my son tried holiday club again today, this time success! I am very relieved and hope he has a equally good time when he goes again.

As for me it looks like some potential benign tumour growth(s) have occurred again, it is very likely that they will be benign again and this type of growth rarely signals cancer. I will be having further investigations in the summer, so keep your fingers and toes crossed. I am a little anxious about it mainly as I am not the greatest patient and didn’t really want to be going through this rigmarole again, but I know it could be worse.

Take care and wishing you a pleasant June!

Blogging

We are where we are

So we are where we are – by the way I hate that term.

After the monsoon of an Easter holiday, which my family all took their turns in covering and my son got to spend some quality time with all of us, and even tried out one morning at a new holiday club, which went so so. It was not incident free, but he admitted he was nervous to try something new without me and he seemed to be doing OK, well without an incident until a hour and half into the morning. However, looked like usual awkwardness from him, then lashing out and running away, so we have to accept there maybe some kind of autism thing going on, but clueless to triggers other than not keen on change/routine change. However, on the plus side the holiday club said he is welcome back despite his difficulties, which is nice to hear after all this time as most don’t want to know.

However, he seems to be progressing on an upward curve at school, and his teacher wants a meeting with us to update us on his progress and I hope his hours increase, but we shall see. To be honest I am struggling and feeling overwhelmed by all these people demanding our time, and this support being offered seems to feel like more breakdown inducing than helpful. My work situation is dire, will not go into details, but whether I struggle to fulfil and maintain my hours or not will not make a damn difference with the situation that we have been forced into, and yes, it was my birthday the other day. So I am another year older and unfortunately made a discovery a couple days after getting a year older that I may have another physical issue with my body recurring, just what I need. I had an endometrial polypectomy about a year before I conceived my son, yes, which probably helped a lot with letting me have a child finally, but I am just spotting similar signs again and well I am not the best patient, and rather this is not the case, but we shall see. Off to the doc I go.

Blogging

Holidays

Half term holidays have begun, and to be honest the lead up to that hasn’t been great. We were hoping that my son would have started settling into his new school by now, but no, seems to have gone a step backwards and has got himself excluded for the second time round after having another emotional meltdown in their care, this time over he feels he was wrongly accused of hitting someone. Whether he hit someone or not, teacher says she didn’t witness it, but told him off anyway in her ‘we don’t hit’ kind voice apparently, I am not happy with the way it was handled. I cannot excuse his overreaction, but feel this needn’t have escalated in the way it did. Cannot see a paediatrician where we use to live anymore as they realise we are now out of area, so basically just left us to fend for ourselves. I put a complaint in, which consequently got them to pull their finger out and help us make two new referrals in our new area, one for a second opinion as the paediatrician thought he had no medical conditions such as autism. I don’t know whether he has, I agree that if he does it is not obvious. I suggested to the school as I was running around in circles at the time trying to get these referrals made that they can refer him themselves and they said they do not have enough evidence, which exasperates me, as they have enough evidence to cause us to take him home early twice and find it difficult to say something positive about my son’s time in school.

Beyond the school troubles, we are settling more into our new home and our son’s behaviour has started to calm down at home, as he was quite hyper and getting a bit disrespectful. We are continuing to go to a Gymnastics club here, which he is persevering with, it is quite different to his old one so he is getting use to it still. I think the old one was a better fit for him and he found the class structure more familiar, as there was a repetitive routine, with only slight changes. This one seems to be slightly different each week, plus there is less coaches and apparatus, but he surprises me and is giving it go, and wants to return, so that is the main thing. He loved the new local weekend playgroup, despite my partner hating it, but we are going back next weekend and my partner said he will try to be less grumpy hehe So what can I say we are not getting the behaviour that school experience with us, yes, he tests the boundaries every now and then, but not having destructive meltdowns with him and not seeing him be aggressive with other children in our care either, yes, he has less opportunity as he is our only, but we do take him to places where there are other children.

We started the half term by visiting a local farm, the sun was out, but was very cold still so we had to wrap up warm. However, he had a lovely time exploring all of what the farm had to offer.

Collage crafts at the farm

Crafts at Standalone Farm

Collage crafts at the farm

Crafts at Standalone Farm

Train ride

Play area at Standalone Farm

Action shot with daddy Sand pit fun

Sand pit fun in the sun

What a pair?

Baa!

Model railway

We look forward to having more fun together during our half term break and forget about any school troubles until our next meeting, groan!

Take care my lovelies

Blogging

The last 2 weeks

So what can I say that I didn’t say the last time, new house is starting to take shape and getting more organised, but still have a fair way to go and well the garden, the less said the better, we will try to sort that out when it gets a bit warmer. Also doesn’t help that viruses have been spreading through my family like wild fire for the last 2 weeks.

My son’s behaviour has taken a down turn at his new school, again, in fact a complete nose dive, although I wonder if the alluding illnesses we have been suffering from have contributed? However, again do not want to be told off that we use illness as an excuse, but most adults are complete grumps when they are ill. Fed up of posting on mothering forums about our issues for support and not even trying to meet new mothers on these social media Mum apps and the alike. I have tried a new local Gymnastics class and playgroup, more for his development than to be social, does that make me a grump? Most probably

Blogging

The Christmas Meltdown

I have been very quiet on the personal blog front for most of December, because we decided to move, nothing really tying us to our current abode, although the location has been convenient for work, shops, the local park, weekend playgroup and my son’s gymnastics classes, those things we will miss, but never really made any close friends or connections.

The continuing childcare issues that we have experienced here, plus now it seems more financially viable for us to live somewhere else and have a fresh start. So have been organising our relocation like mad, and yes, we must be crazy to do this just before Christmas, but didn’t want to or could afford to put it off any longer. So, wish us luck settling somewhere new and hope my son has better luck settling in his new school, I am a little nervous, but read the new school menu to my son tonight, and he said it is making him hungry, ha, so if only things could continue in that positive manner.

Sending you warmest wishes for a wonderful holiday this Christmas!