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Holidays

Half term holidays have begun, and to be honest the lead up to that hasn’t been great. We were hoping that my son would have started settling into his new school by now, but no, seems to have gone a step backwards and has got himself excluded for the second time round after having another emotional meltdown in their care, this time over he feels he was wrongly accused of hitting someone. Whether he hit someone or not, teacher says she didn’t witness it, but told him off anyway in her ‘we don’t hit’ kind voice apparently, I am not happy with the way it was handled. I cannot excuse his overreaction, but feel this needn’t have escalated in the way it did. Cannot see a paediatrician where we use to live anymore as they realise we are now out of area, so basically just left us to fend for ourselves. I put a complaint in, which consequently got them to pull their finger out and help us make two new referrals in our new area, one for a second opinion as the paediatrician thought he had no medical conditions such as autism. I don’t know whether he has, I agree that if he does it is not obvious. I suggested to the school as I was running around in circles at the time trying to get these referrals made that they can refer him themselves and they said they do not have enough evidence, which exasperates me, as they have enough evidence to cause us to take him home early twice and find it difficult to say something positive about my son’s time in school.

Beyond the school troubles, we are settling more into our new home and our son’s behaviour has started to calm down at home, as he was quite hyper and getting a bit disrespectful. We are continuing to go to a Gymnastics club here, which he is persevering with, it is quite different to his old one so he is getting use to it still. I think the old one was a better fit for him and he found the class structure more familiar, as there was a repetitive routine, with only slight changes. This one seems to be slightly different each week, plus there is less coaches and apparatus, but he surprises me and is giving it go, and wants to return, so that is the main thing. He loved the new local weekend playgroup, despite my partner hating it, but we are going back next weekend and my partner said he will try to be less grumpy hehe So what can I say we are not getting the behaviour that school experience with us, yes, he tests the boundaries every now and then, but not having destructive meltdowns with him and not seeing him be aggressive with other children in our care either, yes, he has less opportunity as he is our only, but we do take him to places where there are other children.

We started the half term by visiting a local farm, the sun was out, but was very cold still so we had to wrap up warm. However, he had a lovely time exploring all of what the farm had to offer.

Collage crafts at the farm

Crafts at Standalone Farm

Collage crafts at the farm

Crafts at Standalone Farm

Train ride

Play area at Standalone Farm

Action shot with daddy Sand pit fun

Sand pit fun in the sun

What a pair?

Baa!

Model railway

We look forward to having more fun together during our half term break and forget about any school troubles until our next meeting, groan!

Take care my lovelies

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The last 2 weeks

So what can I say that I didn’t say the last time, new house is starting to take shape and getting more organised, but still have a fair way to go and well the garden, the less said the better, we will try to sort that out when it gets a bit warmer. Also doesn’t help that viruses have been spreading through my family like wild fire for the last 2 weeks.

My son’s behaviour has taken a down turn at his new school, again, in fact a complete nose dive, although I wonder if the alluding illnesses we have been suffering from have contributed? However, again do not want to be told off that we use illness as an excuse, but most adults are complete grumps when they are ill. Fed up of posting on mothering forums about our issues for support and not even trying to meet new mothers on these social media Mum apps and the alike. I have tried a new local Gymnastics class and playgroup, more for his development than to be social, does that make me a grump? Most probably

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Settling In?

4 weeks have passed by since the move, including Christmas and New Year’s festivities, although we didn’t do much for the latter, apart from tidy up the old place the best that we can, which apparently was not appreciated that it was our best effort. Almost got into a dispute about that, but after highlighting a few technicalities the owner had to back down. Honestly, wanted to charge us for moss on the outside garden wall and the alike. Anyways moving on from that saga.

Slowly unpacking more each weekend at the new place, put most of our pictures up last weekend and it is starting to look more homely, even my son said ‘it is really our home now’, like he just got it’s not just a holiday home despite all our boxes being stacked up in it with our belongings. Still yes, it is our home until we can eventually find a proper forever home one hopes.

We have been missing our old playgroup and gymnastics classes, but have tried new ones of both things in the area. The new gymnastics class is run by a smaller club in a school hall building, less coaches and equipment, but my son said he wanted to go back that is the main thing. I am hoping to get him back to a similar club in terms of equipment and more one on one coaching provided at some point, but local waiting lists are long. The playgroup was more craft based than the old one, but think my son is now ready for that as before he just wouldn’t have had the concentration. He can move around from table to table trying various crafts, my OH didn’t like it so much as it was a bit happy clappy, and it was, but I can let that go for the sake that my son liked it there and it is good for me to see how he behaves around other children other than doing something like Softplay.

This leads me on to how he has been settling into school, he was doing fine until last week. They started him on half days/morning only sessions for the first week, they told us they couldn’t see any significant concerns other than he was a bit quiet the first week (I told him he was not really quiet, but just nervous because everything is new), but then they said they wanted to try him on proper full school days, the first 3 went well it seems, but last week there were some incidents. However, which seem to coincide with me complaining to the old school about our childcare refund and their data error about having his parents down living at two separate addresses, not there is anything wrong with single mothers, but don’t insinuate wrong information and expect me to be OK with it! I believe the old school have been in touch with the new school causing trouble again, in fact I have it in writing from them that they have done so, and it just magically coincides with the downturn in my son’s behaviour. I have to say my son’s behaviour was at his worse since starting a reduced timetable at the other school, firstly I don’t think he knew whether he was coming or going, was not burning his energy off as there is only so much my nearly 70 year old mother can do with him in the winter and yes, possibly some feelings of agitation and anxiety with the move.

However, the last week or two we have noticed an upturn in his behaviour at home and think he is settling in his new home here, and not so much the ‘Crisis’ his old school were over-egging it was going to be. Rather do a move like this at his age than when he is older and has more established friendships with children. We have another glorious meeting with his new teachers this week, and hope it doesn’t spell more trouble as it often does.

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The Christmas Meltdown

I have been very quiet on the personal blog front for most of December, because we decided to move, nothing really tying us to our current abode, although the location has been convenient for work, shops, the local park, weekend playgroup and my son’s gymnastics classes, those things we will miss, but never really made any close friends or connections.

The continuing childcare issues that we have experienced here, plus now it seems more financially viable for us to live somewhere else and have a fresh start. So have been organising our relocation like mad, and yes, we must be crazy to do this just before Christmas, but didn’t want to or could afford to put it off any longer. So, wish us luck settling somewhere new and hope my son has better luck settling in his new school, I am a little nervous, but read the new school menu to my son tonight, and he said it is making him hungry, ha, so if only things could continue in that positive manner.

Sending you warmest wishes for a wonderful holiday this Christmas!

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In love with February

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Monday 27th February 2017

Finally got here, ready to take two days off of work and spend a bit more time with my little boy.

This month has not been as boring as last month and we have not been as ill, although MIL is back in hospital again.

We have continued to go to our favourite weekend playgroup, albeit in a different location, got to see Mr Bloom, have to say my son loved it and was a really good boy for his first theatre experience and has enjoyed himself at another friend’s birthday party.

Feeling nervous that I am going to take my son to a playgroup without my OH for support and actually attempting to do another mummy social after looking like I bottled the last one, I was ill! Still trying after a few failures haha

Tips from the mummysocial team (personally given up in April, but if you have more strength to try, then please see mummysocial tips)

https://mummysocial.com/mum-blog/the-lowdown-on-getting-social-with-mummy-social

Also thanks to all of those that visited and viewed my blog recently, keep coming back, liking and sharing thanks

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Family Drama

imageThursday 15th September 2016 – Family drama

Had a nice time away in York with my ickle family, 4 days or thereabouts away from reality. Had up and down days with our son, first time he has whined about going on holiday, most of the time he is excited about going away, but he said he wanted to stay home, but then by the end of our short vacation he didn’t want to go home. His worst behaviour was the day before we left, massive tantrum, gasp, but more about our vacation in a separate blog later, and I promise there were more highs than lows.

Anyhow, I wasn’t expecting to come back to family drama and my mum reeling off a lot of gobbledygook. Drama about my dad’s ashes, if you didn’t know, a few blogs back I said my dad passed away during my son’s first year of life. It was a difficult year of change, and far too much at once, but that’s life sometimes, it spins out of control. The other fact to fill you in on is my mum finally separated from my dad late in life. As I have alluded to in a previous blog, my dad was a difficult man with many demons that he unfortunately failed to completely conquer, yet I am sure deep down inside there was a good heart with good intentions and on occasions it revealed itself. However, he was a man of his generation, and some of those wasn’t good qualities, which he seemed to be in conflict with himself, a crisis of masculinity as such. It also depresses me that he never really turned things around for himself, and the only lesson I have learnt is I don’t want to create that life for myself as in my love ones finding it hard to be around me and waste a life being unhappy, and making strife. However, I have inherited his temper, if you believe you can inherit traits as I do, part genetics and part nurture, and I do find it hard to control at times.

His ashes have not been scattered yet or a final resting place decided, he passed away now over 2 years ago and this is the drama that I have come back to that my family cannot decide where to scatter them or bury them. Ideas have been put forward, but no one can agree, and now my mum has his ashes in her flat and is sitting with the light on to go to sleep haha. I laugh as she is so superstitious and really she didn’t need to take charge of this, as she is his ex partner, really his next of kin should do this, my older sisters, but they can never agree on anything, one of my sister sees herself as the boss and thinks she always knows best.

My mum has come up with a well meaning idea of where, but it seems impractical, end of Brighton pleasure pier really seems inappropriate to me, although understand she has probably her fondest memories of my dad there. However, really think my father’s resting place should be somewhere more scenic and peaceful, I think the one thing he deserves in death is finally less drama, somewhere beautiful and peaceful despite his faults.

Family or should I say family drama to be avoided at all costs where possible lol don’t get me wrong I love my mum, she has a good heart, and don’t want to upset those of you who have lost mums. My mum has been very supportive, especially during difficult times with our son’s childcare, and she has been a rock, but she does get huffy when you do not completely agree with her and in the more recent past, especially during my parent’s separation I did wonder which one was the grown up or more appropriately put the more senior grown up out of us.

I wouldn’t, but to settle the argument let’s do a poll, I wouldn’t really as it is inappropriate. However, to settle an argument choices are

A) Bluebell woods by the Bluebell Railway as he loved going here and loved the trains

B) End of Brighton Pier and I really don’t like this idea, but anyway maybe I am missing something as I think it is too busy and not appropriate place to scatter ashes

C) Somewhere near the Northumbria coastline as he is originally from this region and always talked about how unspoilt & beautiful it was

D) Memorial Tree planted in the Lake District with his ashes, again as he loved the beautiful scenery here and the only family holiday I actually had and remember

Vote if you want to, although not necessary.

If anything I hope I have made readers feel comfort in the knowledge I am from a dysfunctional family, perhaps more dysfunctional than your own haha. Also there is really life after death, for the living as well.

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Not a Saccharine Mum

imageWarning! SPOILER ALERT – Bitch blog, no not really, but as I have started to process my own thoughts and experiences into a blog, I have been reading more mummy blogs to get an idea of other women’s experiences. Of course, all our experiences of motherhood and this journey into it will be unique. However, jeez, everything isn’t so perfect or positive, and afraid my blog isn’t for the faint hearted, I do not put a positive spin on everything, sometimes life is really shit and let’s just be honest enough to say that it is, OK with humour when possible, yet it is fine if one day humour doesn’t live here anymore.

I never understood the saccharine sweet mums, never, never, having babies isn’t all wonderful, it is bloody hard work and yet there are moments of joy of course along the way. Maybe I come across as a moaning ninny haha, well sometimes I am, but I am nothing, but honest. I didn’t get that warm glow of love when my son was born, I had a burning sensation between my legs though. I clearly remember thinking at one point I am not going to push anymore, I give up, then changed my mind and thought lets get on with it and get it over and done with, and finally the astonishment that this new life came from me. I think I was in disbelief for a day or two, just like when my test first revealed I was pregnant. Honestly, the love between my son and me was a slow burn, I got the responsibility, I always got that, and it was a life changer, one sometimes I couldn’t cope with. At times I wanted to run away, wanted my old life back, but now I cannot imagine what to do with the free time I had a little bit more of (OK, sometimes I do) and a son that makes me laugh, and tries my patience at the same time. I will never imagine what that instant love feels like when a baby is born, I didn’t experience it, it took a lot longer for me to feel it, and almost a year of knowing my son. Also it started blossoming a month or two before I went back to work, I didn’t take the full year off as I couldn’t afford to, but in hindsight I wish I had despite the lack of money.

I looked forward to getting back to the routine of work as I really am not cut out for the stay at home mum routine, I do not enjoy mummy social circles, although really did try with that. The thing that was the most difficult part was my son was a very clingy, Velcro baby and I couldn’t bear the anguish of him not being happy when I left him. Really this is not me being just an overanxious mum, but the first nursery really did not cope with him so that did not fill me with confidence, the next childminder we tried showed herself to be more promising, but then couldn’t handle his terrible twos behaviour and kept calling us out of work to collect him, even though he wasn’t ill. Finally the nursery he now attends has cracked it, it’s not been a perfect experience, but he settled in much better than I anticipated there, and they have worked better with us than any of the others. It really pleases me now when I leave him there that I can see he enjoys the experience. However, the lack of good childcare has really been astounding, God knows how they will cope when this UK government roll out 30 free hours childcare out in a year’s time? Yes, not bitter I am missing out on it haha If I knew what I did now I would have prepared things a lot differently before going back to work. I would have used my annual leave to go back part time for the first month or two, so both of us could have got use to the transition of me going back to work and my son being cared for by someone else in a more gradual way. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but pretty useless haha I am also jealous of those whose return to work seemingly appearing for it to be a breeze, I guess it must be possible, but to me that would just seem like a work of fiction.

Our routine is more or less stable and good now, but don’t be scared to say everything isn’t alright and talk, be honest and seek help & support if you need to from a close friend or member of the family or even a health professional as being a working mum isn’t easy, in fact, being any kind of mum isn’t.